


Dave, Vriska and John's "package".

by Zalloj



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zalloj/pseuds/Zalloj
Summary: Dave disputes Vriska's credibility regarding John's Sausage.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Dave, Vriska and John's "package".

**Author's Note:**

> An ask from my blog that I turned into a little story.
> 
> Its a comedy and nothing explicit happens.

  
Anonymous asked: Homestuck where everything is the same except John has a stupidly large and obvious package that makes Dave uncomfortable, Vriska drool, Terezi cackle, and do on.  


Dave: okay no  
Dave: im setting this record straight by informing you that i was raised in an apartment with a bonified psychopath with a metric fuckton of crutsty puppets with dicks for noses and asses sticking out like a twerking hooker at the stripclub  
Dave: aint nothing like that is gonna make me uncomfortable

Dave: unlike terezi or vriska, i can take his package

Vriska: 13 inches long, 4 inches in circumference.

Dave: okay the anon said johns package, as in the one attached to him  
Dave: not some weird ass dildo he ordered off of amazon to prank terezi when she sat down

Vriska: Oh re8lly? And why exactly would you think I would 8e lying to you over something like this?

Dave: youre vriska.

Vriska: ……..

Vriska: ……..

Vriska: Im Vriska, aaaaaaaand?

Dave: thats is  
Dave: you would lie because thats the way you are  
Dave: gotta boast like you earned the your status instead of getting it by dumbass luck like you always do so you can impress people that dont actually like you because youre a total bitch at all times of the day riding off of other peoples success and shit like a freeloader that steals all the credit  
Dave:and is nowhere to be found when shit hits the fan and your fuck ups come home to roost so your friends have gotta bail you out and you blame it all on somebody else  
Dave: youre basically a politician that doesent ever run for office

Vriska: ….*Inhales through nose(?)*….

Vriska: Okay, you want proof? Fiiiiiiiine! That isn’t unreasona8le, so I will just give it to you! Just like you fucking want!

Vriska: So here’s what you do.

Vriska: Call Rose.

Dave: …

Dave: and?

Vriska: That’s it, time **_8oy_**. >::::)

Dave: …

##  **turntechGodhead started pestering tentacleTherapist**

TG: rose  
TG: you there?  
TG: dont really feel like explaining but i need a pick of johns fully erect cock  
TG: preferably from the side  
TG: i need it for proof  
TG: …  
TG: rose?  
TG: look i know its weird as fuck to ask of my ectosibling but i gotta see johns _**[perfectly aged motorboat commercial](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DfxVH5sKUlPg&t=N2EzMDQzODdkMTMyZDcyZTBkOWY5N2VhNzllNWM2MjM0ODdlMzM4ZSxndlBtSWt2Uw%3D%3D&b=t%3AiPfa31qR6QVB7aFrBLgzxg&p=https%3A%2F%2Frichtextadventures.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F621607665358061568%2Fhomestuck-where-everything-is-the-same-except-john&m=0)**_

TT: *Sent a PNG of John’s Long Schlong*  
TT: Will this do?

TG: …

TT: Hello?

TG: the fact you just up and sent it without question has me on edge

TT: There was no need, even if I weren’t a Seer of Light, I always knew this day would come.

TG: the day i needed proof of the size of johns package?

TT: No, the day you needed to see it for yourself.  
TT: I know this because you are just that way.  
TT: Now what you do with this picture is your business, whatever it may be.  
TT: Oh and return the favor, and tell Vriska to stop dragging me into her proverbial dick measuring contests, as I have better things to do than stroke her ego.  
TT: See you at dinner tomorrow, and dont stay silent the whole time, it will make John concerned and make everything worse for you.

##  **tentacleTherapist stopped pestering turntechGodhead**

Dave: …

Dave: …

Vriska: ……..

Vriska: Yeah, that’s ex8ctly what I thought~ >::::)

Vriska: And as gracious as I am, I will take your silence as admission of your defeat, and politely 8ask in my victory in kind as a sign of solidarity, and refrain from gloating~

Vriska: ……..

Vriska: PFFFFFFFFT! Fuck th8t! Im gonna milk this like a spider!

Vriska: AAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!! >XXXXD  
Vriska: SUCK IT STRIDER!


End file.
